The Everything Effect, the NBA Finals, and Me
Author’s note: what follows in the following paragraphs is entirely true. Or true-ish, or a pseudotruth, or whatever it is kids these days to describe something that isn’t necessarily false.
When I was in first grade, I had a bad bout of pneumonia that kept me out of school for two weeks in the middle of October. While at home, I had my reading assignments given to me so as not to fall behind (there were plenty of TV Guides to keep me busy, but somehow they weren’t on the syllabus). At the time, I was given a choice between earning my prize for completing the October reading log, or getting a head start on the holiday reading log and jumping ahead of the rest of the class.
I leapt. Six-year-old me didn’t understand that I would’ve easily completed both assignments with plenty of time to spare, thus depriving me of receiving one of the great treasures that a child could get at that time: a giant rubber spider. The ramifications of my decision were manifold–not only did I not get my spider, I may have also cost the New York Knicks a chance at playing in this year’s NBA Finals.
Ashton Kutcher never quite got the respect he deserved, as an actor, as a person, and for our discussion purposes here today, as a trailblazer. In 2004, long before today’s multiverse craze, Kutcher starred in “The Butterfly Effect,” a film that looks at the consequences of the eponymous theory, which posits that a small change in the initial conditions of a system can create a large aftereffect down the road. (Oddly enough, this film is not listed on the Wikipedia page “Butterfly effect in popular culture,” echoing my point about Kutcher’s lack of respect.)
Butterflies are nice, but why not rubber spiders? If I had that spider, maybe I grow up to be consumed by the confluence of arachnids and bouncy materials, and I find a way to get Donovan “Spida” Mitchell to his hometown Knicks, giving them a chance to end their decades-long title drought. It’s not inconceivable. As the great prophet Lauryn Hill said, “Everything is everything.”
Every year at the start of the NBA playoffs, there are 64 potential matchups that could happen in the finals. Without the help of NBA 2K or a time machine (or the Flash or the Infinity Gauntlet or whatever it was that happened in Tenet), we only get to see one championship series each year. There’s no law against imagining, though (unless you live in Florida or Texas, in which case it’s best to check with your local lawmakers before doing anything [or just move–it’s nice up north!]), so here we present a few of the more intriguing clashes that could’ve happened this year but didn’t. If you don’t see your favorite one here, blame yourself for your choices in first grade.
Cavs vs. Lakers
You thought LeBron going up against his former team in the bubble three years ago had some juice to it? Imagine him taking on his doubly-former hometown team for the title, with said doubly-former hometown team being one on the rise, having added Donovan Mitchell to a stout defense. Would Jarrett Allen and Evan Mobley be able to contain Anthony Davis? Is this the only way to make the city of Cleveland happy, regardless of who wins a series? (I’m kidding–Cleveland will never be happy.)
Odds of seeing this happen next year: Wholly contingent on what LeBron decides to do next year–if he sticks it out on a properly-reloaded Laker squad, it’s not a stretch. If he’s out, so is L.A. The Cavs are still a Team on the Rise™ and should be perennial contenders…until Mitchell gets tired of first round exits and asks out of Cleveland. Sigh.
Bucks vs. Nuggets
Top seed versus top seed. Two-time MVP versus two-time MVP. Scads of fascinating sidekicks. The possibility of Jamaal Murray going off for 50 in any game, and Jrue Holiday doing his damnedest to make sure that doesn’t happen.
Odds of seeing this happen next year: Pretty good! Playoff meltdown and showing Coach Bud the door aside, Giannis is still Giannis, and Denver might be trying to become the first team to repeat since…
Warriors vs. Knicks
New York loves a good sports villain. You know how amped up the Garden got against Trae Young two years ago? That was a first-round matchup between two 41-31 teams. Imagine the Knicks’ fans having their choice of unleashing their vitriol on either Steph or Dray. In the Finals. Spike Lee’s head might explode. On the basketball side of things, the thought of Dray banging with Julius Randle for a series makes me giddy, and watching Jalen Brunson and Steph hunting each other in pick-and-rolls might make Tom Thibodeau and Steve Kerr pull out the last of their remaining hair.
Odds of seeing this happen next year: The initial thought is that of course it’s more likely the Warriors hold up their end of the deal…but is it? All of Golden State’s core will be a year older, and we’ve seen the wonkiness that can happen when a team gets hot in the East.
Kings vs. 76ers
Multipotentialite Center Battle! Give me Embiid vs. Sabonis, best-of-99. I promise I’ll watch every game. Could the Beard blot out the Beam? Doc Rivers probably doesn’t get shown the door if he at least made the Finals this year, right? It’s Philly, though–they might have fired him for taking six games to bring home the trophy.
Odds of seeing this happen next year: Sacramento might be Cleveland East (not to be confused with Cleveland’s East Side [shoutout to Playhouse Square]), with a young group ready to do damage for the next several years. The Sixers are in good shape as long as they have a happy, healthy MVP…ask again how he’s feeling in November.
Celtics vs. Clippers
Good news for Boston fans–the “Beat L.A.” chant still works here! Tatum and Brown versus Kawhi and PG-13 makes for the best tag team battle since The Revival versus DIY. It’s strange thinking that this series could happen without Doc Rivers on either sideline (whoever took the over on 1.5 Doc Rivers mentions in this article, you’re in luck), but there’s enough talent on the court to create enough drama here. Two of the deepest teams in the league slugging it out? Yes, please.
Odds of seeing this happen next year: If you told me tomorrow that Kawhi Leonard and Paul George decided they wanted to play together with Dwight Howard in Taiwan, I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised. The window is still open for Boston as long as Jayson Tatum says it is–let’s just hope for our dear editor-in-chief’s sake, it’s another decade or so.
Dishonorable mention: Nets vs. Timberwolves
Had this possible series happened before Brooklyn offloaded Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving, we might have been in for a blockbuster. Instead, it’s Mikal Bridges trying to dunk on Rudy Gobert for 48 straight minutes. Actually, can we get that to replace the Dunk Contest at next year’s All-Star Game?
Odds of seeing this happen next year: About as good as the odds of an 8-seed making the Finals this year. Oh, wait, good God no.
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